On Marriage...

Recently I read an article called, "Long-lasting Celebrity couples" with great interest. My first impression was that this article was going to be about well-known couples who have been married for a long time. By the time I had made it just a short way through the article, I realized that the article was not quite what I had expected.

As I began reading the article, I was surprised to see the first featured couple had been married fourteen years. When I got to the next couple, I saw that they had been married nine years. Now considering that the article was titled, "Long-Lasting Celebrity Couples," I was a little surprised to see that the first two featured couples had been married at the most...fourteen years. I am in no way downplaying or criticizing the fact that these couples had stayed married as many as fourteen years, but I really expected the article to reveal some couples who had been married a long time...at least a silver anniversary... and perhaps some beautiful aging couple that had enjoyed living together fifty years.



However, I must say that it saddened me that those who have been married for less than fifteen years now are recognized from a national source for having a "Long- lasting" relationship. When I look at those who have had long-lasting relationships, I look at my grandparents who were married well over sixty years. I look at my parents as well as my in-laws who were married over fifty years. I admire those also who never reached the fifty year mark because one of them passed on, but they stayed committed and cherished each other for thirty or forty years. Yes, it is cause to celebrate when a couple has been married for a year, or ten years, or twenty years, but let's not lower the bar and recognize as models of long-term relationships, those who have been married for what should be just the beginning of a lifetime of commitment.

Now that I've gotten in so far, I want to say that the further I got into the article, I realized that this article was not about well-known couples who had been married a long time. It was about couples who had been "together" for a long time. One of the featured couples stated their position well by saying, "There is really no reason to marry." To further solidify this position, Oprah (who was one of the featured women) stated that she and her partner had chosen a long time ago to have a "spiritual union."

I realize that my idea of marriage is quickly becoming outdated and prudish, but I still think that the only "spiritual union" is one that God approves of. One man. One woman. Married. Until death. A "spiritual union" is a relationship where a man and a woman love each other enough to commit themselves to each other in marriage for as long as they both will live. A "spiritual union" is staying married when facing a life threatening emergency or a debilitating illness. It is cheerfully sacrificing together when facing unexpected financial reverses. It is choosing to see the wrinkles and pounds as more to love. A "spiritual union" is choosing to say sweet words when they may not be deserved. A "spiritual union" is choosing to keep vows that were made in the sweet, carefree days of youth when life turns out different than expected. It's pushing a wheelchair, it's wiping a tear, it's forgetting an offense.

Jusr last week, we celebrated twenty years of marriage. We've found out already that marriage is made richer by the everyday commitments that marriage takes. Pinching pennies to get through a financial crisis, hearing the doctor's bad news together, walking into a hospital room together where a parent is dying. All of these can be done with a partner, but it's God's gift to us to experience it with someone who loves us enough to commit to a life-long marriage. At twenty years, I don't consider myself to have had a "long lasting" a relationship. I'll take that honor some day when I've matched the commitment of those who have made the long haul successfully. Until then, I'll keep enjoying life with a best friend who has made my life so rich and meaningful. As I tell my sweetheart of twenty years, "Happiness is being married to my best friend..."